Conflict in Relationships – Dr. Alan Fruzzetti

Dr. Alan Fruzzetti – Conflict in Relationships

Dr. Alan Fruzzetti is an internationally renowned clinical psychologist and Professor at Harvard University, McLean Hospital. He is a respected international leader in his work with high-conflict couples. In this series, you’ll discover ways to manage relationship problems with negotiation, and find true acceptance and closeness with the people you love.

Motivation To Repair Your Relationship

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti investigates how in relationships our feelings can be hurt and we can feel very angry. Getting even or getting back at our partner can make the relationship worse. Finding the motivation to be open and approach the situation is the first step. Dr Fruzzetti reviews different approaches that help us move forward constructively and maintain our self-respect. He discusses negative escalation and outlines a process for getting through these difficult times. Dr Fruzzetti equips us with the understanding and skills to work differently and repair high conflict relationships.

Stop Making It Worse

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti considers relationships where two different people want two different things and how successful negotiation doesn’t have to feel like a conflict. He investigates destructive conflict where either one or both partners end up feeling bad about themselves or each other, and how it can become easier to hurt each other’s feelings rather than break the patterns. Dr Fruzzetti investigates negative escalation and offers understanding and skills (with easy to follow steps) that reduce these patterns, help you stay in balance and stop making your relationship worse.

Recovering from Your Worst Behaviour

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti discusses how despite our best intentions sometimes we misbehave and do things we are not proud of. These things can damage our relationship and have us feeling quite embarrassed. He considers recovery from this situation and how to move on in a constructive and purposeful way. Dr Fruzzetti considers the relationship interaction and explains how to find resolution and repair the relationship. Dr Fruzzetti offers understanding and skills (with easy to follow steps) that help us recover, establish communication and set in motion a process of behaving differently.

Accurate Expression

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti looks at accurate expression and communication as an essential component to a good relationship. He reviews research around increased emotional arousal and the inability to communicate accurately. Dr Fruzzetti gives examples and explains why accurate expression needs to reflect both your short-term and long-term goals. He looks at the importance of emotion management and offers suggestions on remaining calm and staying with the truth and reality. Dr Fruzzetti identifies the components of accurate expression and offers skills you will need to develop this technique.

Paying Attention

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti finds when partners aren’t getting along the first casualty is often the ability to pay attention to each other. Often with a mental image of our partner that is not accurate. Dr Fruzzetti looks at relationship mindfulness that enables us to meet our partner in the moment. He considers how paying attention allows us to see what is going on rather than confirming our worst fears.

Dr Fruzzetti shares understanding and practices where we can learn to pay attention in constructive ways with an open mind, without judgment and staying in the present moment.

Validating Your Partner

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti investigates how validating shows that you really understand what your partner is thinking, feeling and wanting. Validating does not necessarily mean that you are agreeing with your partner, just that you understand. Dr Fruzzetti offers a number of steps to validating effectively and highlights several things that stand in the way. He looks at managing your negative emotions, judgments and bringing attention to your partner. Dr Fruzzetti offers understanding, skills and examples that will have your partner feeling emotionally supported, safe, understood, accepted and ultimately happier in the relationship.

Rebuilding Your Relationship

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti investigates the difference between how happy couples and unhappy couples interact. He reviews the ratio of positive to negative interactions in successful relationships. Dr Fruzzetti considers the various things that we can do to rebuild our relationship from the inside, and how easily we can fall back into old patterns. He suggests skills for reducing negative interactions and gives direction on moving towards really being together. Family and a good relationship are the surest way to happiness and longevity. Dr Fruzzetti offers the understanding and skills to rebuilding your relationship.

Radical Acceptance

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti explores the notion of radical acceptance. He explains what radical acceptance is, providing us with examples of different scenarios where we can practice radical acceptance. We learn the three essential steps of radical acceptance, which are; tolerance, pattern awareness and letting go of suffering. Dr Fruzzetti shows us the cost of trying to change our partner’s behaviour, offering us clarity to decide whether their behaviour is worth fighting over or accepting. Through radical acceptance we remove anger, judgements and criticisms and can appreciate our partner, cultivating more happiness and love in our relationship.

Maintaining Your Self Respect

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti considers how to figure out where the balance lies in your relationship. Between being accommodating and flexible (which is considered a good quality) or being overly accommodating and overly flexible (getting lost and losing your self-respect). He reviews the importance of determining your core values and knowing the difference between what you need and what you want. Dr Fruzzetti offers skills for communicating clearly, maintaining your self-respect, setting boundaries and maintaining a sense of fairness so that both partners benefit from the relationship.

Supporting Your Partner

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti considers how your relationship may be experiencing long-term difficulties. You are not getting along well and then your partner experiences a crisis and really needs your support. He reviews the negative thoughts and toxic interactions that may have hurt your feelings. Dr Fruzzetti explains the essential steps of tolerance, pattern awareness and letting go of the suffering. He gives examples and how to act and what to say in these situations. Dr Fruzzetti offers a pathway to

insight and understanding, changing your perspective, empowering genuine change and helping you build a loving, authentic relationship.

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