Divorcing Parents & Kids – Dr. Alan Fruzzetti

Dr. Alan Fruzzetti – Divorcing Parents & Kids

Dr. Alan Fruzzetti, Professor at McLean Hospital, Harvard University and master family clinical psychologist of 30 years offers skills on how to divorce without drama. This series can save you heartache, maintain self-respect, and protect children from unnecessary emotional adversity. We recommend beginning with ‘Motivation to Move On’ and working your way through the series.

Motivation To Move On

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti considers how once you have made the decision to separate, things get harder for a while, not easier. He discusses: finding the motivation to move on, how to grieve appropriately, how to let go of resentment and to stay focused on what is important (so that your children emerge in good shape). He gives practices for coping with the heightened emotions that surround separation and explores behaviour that shows that you may still be stuck. Dr Fruzzetti offers pathways to moving on successfully and building the life you seek.

Staying Non-Judgemental

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti explores how we try to make sense of the world by the way we think and he considers the various other ways of thinking. He talks about how to move from a judgemental style (which creates lots of negative and destructive emotion) to a different style which leads to a more self-confident and positive view, ultimately allowing you to treat others more fairly. Dr Fruzzetti offers understanding and techniques that can help you check your judgments and he shows you skills that will allow you to express yourself more effectively.

Ensure The Kids Wellbeing

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti shows us that there are some very consistent and predictable things that divorcing parents can do to ensure a good outcome for their kids. He discusses four different factors that will ensure your kids will do well – despite the fact you are divorcing. If the divorce actually helps resolve the negativity between the parents, and the children are not used to manipulate your former partner, then children will do well. Dr Fruzzetti offers understanding and the skills for parents to create a smoother transition with benefits that flow onto your children.

Regulate Your Emotions

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti observes that if you are going through a divorce you will have a lot of negative emotion and you may even feel overwhelmed. You had high hopes for somebody you loved and it just didn’t work out, you are getting divorced. He offers insights into a variety of strategies to manage negative emotions so the emotions don’t rule your life. Dr Fruzzetti looks at the different influences on emotion and examines how we express our emotion. He offers knowledge and skills that will help you regulate your emotional response.

Being Fair And Effective

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti shows us that going through a divorce brings a lot of demands and pressure on both parties. He considers: how to get to a balanced place by taking into consideration your own self-respect, being able to feel good about your action and feeling that you are in control of your own life. He considers how fairness is always in the eye of the beholder and that there is very little objectivity around fairness. Dr Fruzzetti offers example scenarios and skills to start evaluating fairness and he looks at finding positions that are most beneficial for your children.

Getting The Right Support

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti discusses that when going through a divorce people seek emotional support from family or friends. This support can be constructive and this is good for the couple and the kids. Or, it can get you stuck and miserable in a negative spiral and not resolve the conflict at all. Dr Fruzzetti discusses how to make the best use of family and friends, balance negative and positive emotions and block the dysfunctional things that happen. Dr Fruzzetti offers understanding and skills that can help you successfully move on.

Validating Your Kids

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti investigates how divorcing can be hard on the children. They don’t know what to feel and they are not used to seeing their parents dealing with such difficult emotions. These things get in the way for kids. Dr Fruzzetti considers how to talk to the kids about the divorce, how to listen to kids and how to validate your children’s emotions so that they feel heard. Dr Fruzzetti offers insights, understanding, and skills to manage the situations so that your children can move through this difficult period successfully.

Grieving And Moving On Successfully

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti investigates how divorce is a very emotional process, often with lots of anger, sadness, shame, guilt and a fear of the future. The key to moving on successfully is to work on grieving. Allowing the sadness is the way our brain learns to let go of the loss. Dr Fruzzetti considers a pathway for grieving and offers a process for checking your feelings. When your life moves forward it can look very different than you expected and give you a lot of joy. Dr Fruzzetti offers understanding and insights for grieving successfully.

Suicidal Teens

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti investigates the growing trend of suicide in teenagers. Being a parent of a suicidal teen can be very scary and overwhelming. Dr Fruzzetti offers advice to parents who are faced with this very tough job. Dr Fruzzetti discusses the difference between suicidal thoughts and suicidal intentions, identifying the problems and negative emotions your child is reacting to. By outlining a step by step process on how to respond effectively, Dr Fruzzetti shows parents how to manage their emotions whilst communicating in an open and validating manner.

Self Harming Teens

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti investigates the growing trend of self-harm in teenagers. Dr Fruzzetti discusses the different causes, which could be peer influence or relief from emotional suffering. Dr Fruzzetti details the effects and types of self-harm and offers advice for parents to understand and respond to their child’s self-harming. Finding out your child has self-harmed can be over-whelming and scary. It’s very important that parents first manage their emotion before opening a dialogue with their child to ensure the best possible outcome. Dr Fruzzetti outlines a process to ensure effective communication between parent and child.

Angry Teens

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti discusses the difficulties parents experience during their child’s developmental process of adolescence. Adolescence is a time when children experience periods of rapid growth and because they haven’t learned to manage their emotions yet, anger often arises. Dr Fruzzetti outlines the many causes influencing adolescence destructive behaviour and how to determine whether it’s due to developmental changes or more serious concerns. Dr Fruzzetti offers advice for parents on how to effectively respond to their child’s unacceptable behaviour, while continuing to show love and support throughout this challenging time.

Anger Management During Divorce

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti investigates the very difficult and often painful emotion anger. Anger can wreak havoc in our relationships and has a negative impact on our self-esteem. When we are angry it’s a sign we are unhappy and might not be managing our emotions well. Dr Fruzzetti outlines ways we can identify underlying causes of anger and how we can best treat those negative emotions through accurate expression. Dr Fruzzetti shows us how to successfully reduce anger and act in ways more consistent with our values.

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