Victor Cheng – How to Network Effectively

How to Network Effectively – Victor Cheng

One of the perceptions many people have about networking is that it’s a sleazy, dirty, manipulative endeavor that is distasteful.

That was certainly my impression of networking for many years.

Everything for me changed when I reframed how I thought about networking.

Traditional networking portrays networking as how to get someone out of someone else that doesn’t want to give it to you.

It’s akin to being a salesperson — selling something that nobody wants, so you can make a quick dollar from them.

If this is your perception of networking, it’s no wonder you don’t like the thought of it.

However, there is another way to think of networking.

Instead of thinking of networking as a one-way relationship, where you have something I want, and I try to “get” it out of you, think of networking as two-way relationship building.

I actually don’t like the term “networking” at all. I prefer the term “relationship building.”

The difference is simple yet profound.

When you network in the traditional sense, you initiate the relationship by ASKING for something from someone else.

When you build a relationship, you initiate the relationship by GIVING something (or offering to give something) to the other person.

In networking, you ask, ask, and ask for something from the other person.

In relationship building, you give, give, and give something to the other person and THEN you ask them for something.

Now I know many of my readers take my advice literally. And sometimes my advice is intended to be literal. In this case, it is not.

I am NOT saying that you give precisely 3 times before you ask for something. What I am saying is that you give to others generously first, and once the relationship has been established (however long that takes), then it’s perfectly fine to ask for something from them.

There are two ways you can build a relationship with someone else.

You can be transactional or your can be relational.

In a transactional relationship, you cut a deal. (“I will give you precisely X, if you give me precisely Y.”) In a transactional relationship, you keep “score.” Like a good accountant, you keep track of what you gave and what they “owe” you.

In a relational relationship, you give so much to the other person that they genuinely feel that you are on their side. They feel so good about the relationship that they trust you and believe you are a person that’s more than fair. In such a situation, both people stop keeping score. They don’t keep track of who gave what, who is owed what or anything like that.

The relationship becomes one where the other person will help you whenever she can, and you will help her whenever you can. It is understood that you are now collaborating and on the same TEAM.

The key to networking without feeling sleazy is simple.

Start off the relationships by GIVING FIRST.

Think about it.

Remember what it was like when you were a kid receiving gifts from other people?

“Oh you gave me exactly what I wanted for Christmas / Hanukkah / Eid al-Fitr / Kwanzaa / my birthday, geez you are such a jerk.”

… said no child ever.

Well adults are people too, and when you come bringing gifts, it’s hard to turn you away.

So to start relationship building, think about what you can GIVE to start off the relationship, which may be the start of a long-term collaboration.

If you found this email useful, you’ll be interested in learning about my upcoming class:

“How to Network Effectively for Career Opportunities & Advancement”
(Even if You’re Shy or Intimidated by the Process)

Tuition has not yet been set, but my aim is to make it affordable

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